Summer Movies, or Why I'm glad I have a job

By RM
Mofst Edifyingly Erudite Eglantines and Eberhards,

....Nope. Not my style. Worth a try though.

What ho, Watchers!

By my rough calculations, I am currently out of pocket almost two-hundred dollars. No, I did not lose my debit card. No, I wasn't a gamblying my moneys away. No, I haven't hit rock bottom with my alcoholism yet....I can go WAY lower....

I've set aside money for this summer's crop of movies.

The last time I intentionally apportioned money aside for a movie was sophmore year, and the now infamous Shaun of the Dead debacle, which is still one of three reasons I intend to kill Bob Proctor (the other two are mostly due to mafia contracts).

Assuming summer starts in the last week of April (which we all know it does):
The Forbidden Kingdom - The first movie to co-star Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Yes, I'm still 13, I'll still go see that.
Speed Racer - I don't care what you say, this movie is my Passion of the Christ. Ironically, Racer X bleeds on a cross for the final 45 minutes of the movie.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - I like Judd Apatow movies. You do too. Admit it, McLovin.
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay - Yes, I'm 13. And this is a stupid comedy. But at least the first one was a good stupid comedy. With Neil Patrick Harris!
Iron Man - It looks bad-ass. If only Gwyneth Paltrow could have been removed from this project....
Prince Caspian - I'm sticking to my guns here. When all is said and done, this series will be as good as, if not BETTER THAN Lord of the Rings.
Wall-E - At this point, I just go to see Pixar movies to see if they're EVER going to lay an egg.
Indiana Jones 4 - No breathing human man can refuse this film. Even with Shia The Beef.
Hellboy 2 - There's no defense of this one other than I'm a loser. And I've seen the first one, like, 90 times on FX.
The Incredible Hulk - It's Edward Norton and Tim Roth in a Geek-to-Freak Super Showdown!
The Dark Knight - Sweet Mary Mother of God.....yes. Yes. Yes.
So that's Eleven movies I'm actively making time to go see in a three month period, when I don't ever do that with movies. And I'm sure I'm forgetting at least one movie. That's how good this summer will be.
Now, calculating that it costs me $10.50 for a ticket, plus $5 or so for a soda or a popcorn or something, then assuming I go see these with friends, the inevitable two or three drinks at a bar discussing the movie will cost me $15, give or take, then getting busted by the 5-0 because I was drinking and driving and getting a ticket and bailing myself out will cost me around $250 each time, so.....carry the 9...

I'm actually out $2,931.50.

Shit, I forgot sales tax.

Man, I'm glad I have that job.

RM
 

5 comments so far.

  1. Nate April 17, 2008 at 7:06 PM
    Why are they always condensed into a three-month period? Why is it never stretched out over the whole year? I think I'm man enough to handle a "February Blockbuster."
  2. Wiry April 18, 2008 at 10:10 AM
    I think there's truly something in the weather that makes a big diff here - like how in the early parts of the century riots and protests and violence were more likely to occur in summer 'cause everyone was out on the streets fomenting 'cause inside was too hot. So, they invented movie theaters to keep the peace by entertaining the masses with the violence they craved in an air-conditioned environment. And of course we can't forget all the school kids itching for stuff to do... I find myself more drawn to the late November - early January Oscar bait, perhaps in part because the coming of increased cold renders me contemplative.
  3. Cherubino/Carmen April 18, 2008 at 3:44 PM
    Dost thou mock me for the loss of mine debit card??
  4. The Project April 20, 2008 at 2:00 PM
    TIM ROTH AND ED NORTON?

    Thank you, sweet merciful lord.
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