Not that many of you know or even care, but this year's winner of the Women's Boston Marathon?

Dire Tune.

I don't care how you pronounce it, because I pronounce it Bad-Ass.

I got nothing else.


RM

Mofst Edifyingly Erudite Eglantines and Eberhards,

....Nope. Not my style. Worth a try though.

What ho, Watchers!

By my rough calculations, I am currently out of pocket almost two-hundred dollars. No, I did not lose my debit card. No, I wasn't a gamblying my moneys away. No, I haven't hit rock bottom with my alcoholism yet....I can go WAY lower....

I've set aside money for this summer's crop of movies.

The last time I intentionally apportioned money aside for a movie was sophmore year, and the now infamous Shaun of the Dead debacle, which is still one of three reasons I intend to kill Bob Proctor (the other two are mostly due to mafia contracts).

Assuming summer starts in the last week of April (which we all know it does):
The Forbidden Kingdom - The first movie to co-star Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Yes, I'm still 13, I'll still go see that.
Speed Racer - I don't care what you say, this movie is my Passion of the Christ. Ironically, Racer X bleeds on a cross for the final 45 minutes of the movie.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - I like Judd Apatow movies. You do too. Admit it, McLovin.
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay - Yes, I'm 13. And this is a stupid comedy. But at least the first one was a good stupid comedy. With Neil Patrick Harris!
Iron Man - It looks bad-ass. If only Gwyneth Paltrow could have been removed from this project....
Prince Caspian - I'm sticking to my guns here. When all is said and done, this series will be as good as, if not BETTER THAN Lord of the Rings.
Wall-E - At this point, I just go to see Pixar movies to see if they're EVER going to lay an egg.
Indiana Jones 4 - No breathing human man can refuse this film. Even with Shia The Beef.
Hellboy 2 - There's no defense of this one other than I'm a loser. And I've seen the first one, like, 90 times on FX.
The Incredible Hulk - It's Edward Norton and Tim Roth in a Geek-to-Freak Super Showdown!
The Dark Knight - Sweet Mary Mother of God.....yes. Yes. Yes.
So that's Eleven movies I'm actively making time to go see in a three month period, when I don't ever do that with movies. And I'm sure I'm forgetting at least one movie. That's how good this summer will be.
Now, calculating that it costs me $10.50 for a ticket, plus $5 or so for a soda or a popcorn or something, then assuming I go see these with friends, the inevitable two or three drinks at a bar discussing the movie will cost me $15, give or take, then getting busted by the 5-0 because I was drinking and driving and getting a ticket and bailing myself out will cost me around $250 each time, so.....carry the 9...

I'm actually out $2,931.50.

Shit, I forgot sales tax.

Man, I'm glad I have that job.

RM

I start a sommelier training class on Saturday, which should be fun AND interesting, as opposed to that shit that's only one or the other. Why can't more things be funformational?

I finally got around to seeing the new Horton Hears a Who movie. It was okay. I'm growing weary of Steve Carell, and I am definitely tired of Jim Carrey. Who decided to pay a physical comedian money for a voice over? Maybe that one is just me.

If you told me today that one of the two versions of this story was going to be locked into a steel safe, and then dropped into a Rube Goldbergian machine of destruction while that cartoon music is playing (you know, the one that they always play when stuff goes through such machines: Da da daaa da daddle la da da, da da daaa daddle la da....Anton once told me what is was called. I forget now), I would without batting an eyelash choose the older one. The conspicuous lack of both a Dr. Whoovey AND a song dedicated to the Wickersham brothers, who in the new version are little more than dumb gorilla mobsters (Thank you, Seussical), make me completely willing to let the new one die.

Then I realized that there is no movie I can immediately think of where I prefer the remake to the original. Not one.

Then I realized that, within the four walls of my local AMC Framingham 16, I am a republican.

I fear change, and inherently resent people who force it on me to bring new perspectives and growth.

John McCain would have my vote TODAY if the ballot box were in a movie theatre, right before Tim Burton's Disney's Alice in Wonderland.

That scares me a little.....but not as much as the original.

RM

I can now say I fully understand what the deal with Toulouse-Lautrec was.

I have experienced absinthe.

And let me clarify. I don't believe in working one's way into a drink. One starts off at the top, and if one cannot handle it, then one works their way down.

So the absinthe I had was 70% alcohol by volume (vodka is 40, for a reference point), with 100mg/kg of thujone, the neurotoxin that give absinthe it's unique kick.

And let me be clear, I saw no green fairy.

Experiencing abisnthe to me was like being absolutely plowed in HD. When I get drunk, things tend to go a little fuzzy visually and mentally, and I tend to tire out and eventually crash in some room, wishing everyone would just go the fuck home. Or I leave the bar. Either or. With Absinthe, you're just as plowed, but this Thujone stuff acts as like a stimulant and a clarifier, you know, like mixing astelin (ask your doctor), and cocaine (go right for it). So while I was just as inebriated, I had the clarity to enjoy the euphoria without all the baggage.

I could very much learn to enjoy this drink.

I was watching CBS' the Early Show today (bear with me, I suck), and they had on one of those feel good stories. This one was about a dog with no front legs, that had been trained to walk upright.

An impressive skill. But, come on. There are some feel good stories that just make you feel....bad. I'm thrilled that that dog is still alive and rocking, but don't show him to me. C'mon.

Cats are music.

RM