The Oscars, Literary Criticism, Recipes, and Other Panderings to the Four People who Read This Thing

What hoe?

That hoe, noble readers! (indicates farming implement offstage)

Ah, an oldie but a goodie.

Anyhoo, let's get down to brass tacks.

The Oscars happened, and were the lowest rated in the show's history. Now some say this is because no "mainstream" film (One that made more than 100 million) was nominated for a major award other than Juno, but I have a different theory. It goes like this:

Jon Stewart isn't that funny.

There. Another dark secret off my dark, secretive chest. I don't find him funny anymore. He comes off as smarmy and smug and generally unlikable to the average American who doesn't watch his show with Born-Again Christian Zeal. And spare me that he only had a week or so to write the show. He was only responsible for what he said, not the nominees (they had a seperate writing staff), and he brought in his entire Daily Show writer's staff. One week to write maybe 45 minutes of material. And that's the best his team can do. I grow wearier of him every day.

In terms of what transpired at said Oscars My thoughts are thus:

- Javier Bardem and Daniel Day-Lewis are like Gods unto me. They deserved their awards.
- Thank God The Academy didn't fall into it's two traps I hate most: Fawning over British Actors and awarding people major awards for "body of work". That's BULLSHIT. Either your one performance is good enough, Julie Christie, or you wait for your lifetime achievement award. Bravo pour donnez le Oscar a Marion Cotillard, Academie.
- The Coen Brothers dominated the triad of best picture, director, and adapted screenplay, which I frankly thought would all go to There Will Be Blood. But Good for them.
- I still didn't like Diablo Cody's script enough to give her the Oscar.
- The song from Once (which I hadn't seen), blew me away.
- Sweeney Todd DID NOT deserve Best Art Direction. I stand by my thoughts on Tim Burton, who shouldn't be allowed back at the Oscars until I'm given another Ed Wood.
- Good to see The Bourne Ultimatum get some awards. I very much liked that trilogy.
- Also, did anyone see the ads for this new Horton Hears a Who Movie? Why can't they let some classics alone? I expect an apology, Messrs. Carrell and Carrey.

Literary Criticism and new Witner Recipes to follow,
RM's not Just for Helmets Anymore

Hello Internet Viewers!

Today on my video blog*, I'd like to catch you up to what's been going on in my life since basically December, which was the last time I really posted with any reason or rhyme.

I left Kenyon under rather hurried circumstances, to address a family issue which had been building to a head for some months and eventually required my direct attention. On my way home, I stopped by my good friend and unofficial biographer Nathaniel J. Ewert-Krocker's stately Ohio Manse. While there, some unpleasantness arose between me and the local constabulary over the minutae of past charitable donations to the court systems, which was resolved in a matter of hours although, unfortunately, these hours were spent with some miscreants. However, they were friendly miscreants, and all was well.

On my way out of Ohio, and driving across New York, an unpleasant dialogue between my tires and the road on the subject of traction over ice while changing lanes and, Woe is your poor hero, I crashed into a tree at 40mph. Whilst I felt some great chagrin over the situation I was in, the paramedical staff were kind and attentive, and at the end of the day, though I was down a car and had a broken nose, multiple contusions, and a torn PCL, I had managed to save my decorative collection of antique tin toys. The day, in total, was a success.

After Family crises and Christmas, which all blend together into a prescription pain-killer induced phog of euphoria (I call it Euphorifog), i came home with the prospect of time on my hands for six months. This is about where you pick up new information so if you skipped the previous paragraphs because you already heard what happened, listen up:

My catering work continues, albeit not as smoothly as I would have liked for two reasons. One is that my primary financial backer has decided to buy a car for his college bound youngest born, leaving me once again with only my pittance of savings to start said company. The other is that focus groups have decided the name (see earlier entries subj: JFD) of my company sounds more like the contractors who make Frisch's Big Boy than a catering company, and have recommended I change it. Temporarily taking it under advisement, I have named the newly formed dessert wing of my culinary empire Utopiate, and continue to hope for the best.

This Valentines Day I made approximately 1,200 individually portioned desserts/tarts/cookies to sell, and have managed to sell all but ten. I am considering autographing them and putting them on eBay.

Other than that, I watch movies, drink, take long walks on the beach, go to classes at BC, rehab my knee at my old high school (I can use their equipt. free...) and generally don't post on this website because getting internet access in my house is not so much a convenience but a TASK SET FOR HERCULES HIMSELF!

Curious about a previous point? Did I fail to describe something of interest to you, Critic VonKritticheim, 17th Viscount of Crittichea? Drop me a line


*=may or may not be a video blog.

I'm not dead yet.

Just very busy. More to come.