Mofst Edifyingly Erudite Eglantines and Eberhards,

....Nope. Not my style. Worth a try though.

What ho, Watchers!

By my rough calculations, I am currently out of pocket almost two-hundred dollars. No, I did not lose my debit card. No, I wasn't a gamblying my moneys away. No, I haven't hit rock bottom with my alcoholism yet....I can go WAY lower....

I've set aside money for this summer's crop of movies.

The last time I intentionally apportioned money aside for a movie was sophmore year, and the now infamous Shaun of the Dead debacle, which is still one of three reasons I intend to kill Bob Proctor (the other two are mostly due to mafia contracts).

Assuming summer starts in the last week of April (which we all know it does):
The Forbidden Kingdom - The first movie to co-star Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Yes, I'm still 13, I'll still go see that.
Speed Racer - I don't care what you say, this movie is my Passion of the Christ. Ironically, Racer X bleeds on a cross for the final 45 minutes of the movie.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - I like Judd Apatow movies. You do too. Admit it, McLovin.
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay - Yes, I'm 13. And this is a stupid comedy. But at least the first one was a good stupid comedy. With Neil Patrick Harris!
Iron Man - It looks bad-ass. If only Gwyneth Paltrow could have been removed from this project....
Prince Caspian - I'm sticking to my guns here. When all is said and done, this series will be as good as, if not BETTER THAN Lord of the Rings.
Wall-E - At this point, I just go to see Pixar movies to see if they're EVER going to lay an egg.
Indiana Jones 4 - No breathing human man can refuse this film. Even with Shia The Beef.
Hellboy 2 - There's no defense of this one other than I'm a loser. And I've seen the first one, like, 90 times on FX.
The Incredible Hulk - It's Edward Norton and Tim Roth in a Geek-to-Freak Super Showdown!
The Dark Knight - Sweet Mary Mother of God.....yes. Yes. Yes.
So that's Eleven movies I'm actively making time to go see in a three month period, when I don't ever do that with movies. And I'm sure I'm forgetting at least one movie. That's how good this summer will be.
Now, calculating that it costs me $10.50 for a ticket, plus $5 or so for a soda or a popcorn or something, then assuming I go see these with friends, the inevitable two or three drinks at a bar discussing the movie will cost me $15, give or take, then getting busted by the 5-0 because I was drinking and driving and getting a ticket and bailing myself out will cost me around $250 each time, so.....carry the 9...

I'm actually out $2,931.50.

Shit, I forgot sales tax.

Man, I'm glad I have that job.

RM

I start a sommelier training class on Saturday, which should be fun AND interesting, as opposed to that shit that's only one or the other. Why can't more things be funformational?

I finally got around to seeing the new Horton Hears a Who movie. It was okay. I'm growing weary of Steve Carell, and I am definitely tired of Jim Carrey. Who decided to pay a physical comedian money for a voice over? Maybe that one is just me.

If you told me today that one of the two versions of this story was going to be locked into a steel safe, and then dropped into a Rube Goldbergian machine of destruction while that cartoon music is playing (you know, the one that they always play when stuff goes through such machines: Da da daaa da daddle la da da, da da daaa daddle la da....Anton once told me what is was called. I forget now), I would without batting an eyelash choose the older one. The conspicuous lack of both a Dr. Whoovey AND a song dedicated to the Wickersham brothers, who in the new version are little more than dumb gorilla mobsters (Thank you, Seussical), make me completely willing to let the new one die.

Then I realized that there is no movie I can immediately think of where I prefer the remake to the original. Not one.

Then I realized that, within the four walls of my local AMC Framingham 16, I am a republican.

I fear change, and inherently resent people who force it on me to bring new perspectives and growth.

John McCain would have my vote TODAY if the ballot box were in a movie theatre, right before Tim Burton's Disney's Alice in Wonderland.

That scares me a little.....but not as much as the original.

RM

I can now say I fully understand what the deal with Toulouse-Lautrec was.

I have experienced absinthe.

And let me clarify. I don't believe in working one's way into a drink. One starts off at the top, and if one cannot handle it, then one works their way down.

So the absinthe I had was 70% alcohol by volume (vodka is 40, for a reference point), with 100mg/kg of thujone, the neurotoxin that give absinthe it's unique kick.

And let me be clear, I saw no green fairy.

Experiencing abisnthe to me was like being absolutely plowed in HD. When I get drunk, things tend to go a little fuzzy visually and mentally, and I tend to tire out and eventually crash in some room, wishing everyone would just go the fuck home. Or I leave the bar. Either or. With Absinthe, you're just as plowed, but this Thujone stuff acts as like a stimulant and a clarifier, you know, like mixing astelin (ask your doctor), and cocaine (go right for it). So while I was just as inebriated, I had the clarity to enjoy the euphoria without all the baggage.

I could very much learn to enjoy this drink.

I was watching CBS' the Early Show today (bear with me, I suck), and they had on one of those feel good stories. This one was about a dog with no front legs, that had been trained to walk upright.

An impressive skill. But, come on. There are some feel good stories that just make you feel....bad. I'm thrilled that that dog is still alive and rocking, but don't show him to me. C'mon.

Cats are music.

RM

In my effort to supplement the lagging profits of my catering company, I accepted the ultimate shame of working part time at a Stop and Shop in Natick for a few days. Having taken and subsequently left that job for bigger and better things, I can now say my view of humanity is at least three shades dimmer than it was before. A few suggestions to anyone who reads this and shops at a supermarket:
-The Express lane? the one that says 12 items or less? That is not a polite reference, like a restaurant you should really try. Like, seriously. They make the best soup. No, it's a goddamn system. You only go through that line if you have 12 ITEMS OR LESS. If you have 13, and there's no line, then fine, we can take you through. But 26 is not 12. Unless you're a theoretical mathematician of unprecedented ability, and forgive me for assuming you're not.
-Wait until the person before you is done before you start throwing coupons and super-saver cards at the cashier. Yes, you're in a hurry. We know.
-If this is your first time in America over the past five years, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on your inability to know how credit cards work. If it isn't, than what the hell?
-The super-saver card can go on a key-chain. It should be ON YOUR KEYCHAIN. Don't tell me you left it in the car. If you did, you'd be more worried than you are. Just confess you haven't spent the two seconds it takes to get a card and want to use the supermarket's courtesy card. Own your shame.

That should help everyone out some. Here's a fun spring recipe you can do it with or without alcohol (I can't believe I gave you that option):
1/4 cup sugar
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1/4 cup limeade concentrate or tequila
1/4 cup fresh orange juice or Triple Sec
4 egg yolks
1 teaspoon grated lime zest
1 cup whipping cream

Meringue:
*3 egg whites
1/4 teaspoon cream or tartar
1/4 cup sugar

Custard:

In a medium saucepan, combine 1/4 cup of the sugar, the gelatin, and the salt. Stir in the lemon juice, lime juice, limeade (or tequila), and orange juice (or Triple Sec). Stir well. In a medium glass dish, whip the egg yolks until they are light. Stir in the lime zest. Add to the saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until the gelatin is dissolved, about 3 minutes. Remove from heat. Transfer to a plastic container and allow it to come to room temperature. Cover and refrigerate, stirring occasionally until the mixture has begun to gel, about 30 minutes.For the Meringue:With an electric mixer, beat egg whites with cream of tartar until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in the sugar until stiff. Fold in beaten whipped cream.

Remove custard from refrigerator and fold in the meringue. Place the mixture, when finished folding, back into the refrigerator and let chill.

When serving rim your glass with sugar and pour chilled mousse into glass.

Big Time,
RM

William F. Buckley died this week. You may have known him when he was alive. Or you've seen him in death on The Colbert Report or any other number of shows. I shall always remember him not as a conservative pundit, nor as a Yale Man, Nor even as a drinker of legendary proportions that I could never live up to. I shall always remember him as a character played by the Genie in Aladdin.
He was the one that said "Um, Master, there are certain provisos, a couple of quid pro quos." With the Bowtie and the goofy teeth. You remember him. C'mon, let's face it, if you're reading this, I could reference Song of The Freaking South and half of you would know which late 40s racist, Uncle Remusy film I was talking about.
All the articles and eulogies about him have lamented the lack of intellectual conservatism. And it's true. There are no more smart conservatives of his sheer charisma to counter the collective utter jackassery of Lou Dobbs, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Pap Bear O'Reilly. But it also bears noting that most liberals are evolving too. While once liberals were impassioned, fervent, unapologetically real people, they've evolved into a detached, smug, holier-than-thou group of pedants who when countered with anything look as though they were just told by a five year-old that the earth is filled with P'sghetti-Os. (NO ONE TAKES THAT CHILDHOOD DREAM AWAY FROM ME!)
Watching politics now for me is like watching one of those mish-mash movies of the seventies where they would force two disparate plots together and make them work. This One is Like The Island of Dr. Moreau's Time Machine. It's like simulatneoulsy watching two men devolve into what the other perceives them to be. One a comically brutish ape, the other an obliviously blithe and smug intellectual.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, in this country, I have no political affiliation. In fact I'm starting to see the logic of Ben Franklin's essays in response to Rousseau, in which he said that "Politics, particularly Popular Politics, is the fastest way to prove that mankind and apes are not so different."
Democracy does not work in this country, in this form, anymore. If the 08 election was Democracy v. Another Alternative, I honestly think Democracy wouldn't pull a 75% majority. Not because the system is flawed. All things are flawed. If I ever see a perfect anything, I'm going to scuff it a little, even if only I know it's there. The system accentuates and aggrevates flaws, and in doing so poisons everything it tries to accomplish.
William F. Buckley managed to for forty or so years hold back this tide through his sheer charisma and his undefinability. We need another one of him, if only to pass along these problems to our children. Because, let's be honest, they're already boned.

No idea who you are, but here is a good wheat-free dessert recipe:

*I originally did the measurements in grams in my kitchen. I appreciate most of you didn't gank some columbian drug-lords scales to keep in your kitchen, so I've converted as best I can. Praise Allah! Hahahahah, Homonym. Good Stuff. Better end this before it drags on.*

crust:
3 med. eggs
110g (a little less than half a cup) golden caster sugar
50g (a quarter cup) ground almonds
25g (1 3/4 tbsps) cornflour
2-3 drops almond extract
800g (3 1/2 cups) apricot halves in juice, drained
1 tbsp brandy

filling:
11g sachet gelatine (a small pack of gelatin)
50g (a quarter cup) golden caster sugar
2 med. egg whites
300ml (1 1/3 cups) double cream
icing sugar to dust


1.
Line a 9 " spring clip baking tin with baking parchment.
2.
Place the eggs and sugar in a large bowl over a pan of hot water. Whisk the mixture until thick enough to leave a ribbon trail when the whisk is lifted out. Fold in the ground almonds, cornflour and almond extract with 2 tbsp of hot water.
3.
Pour into the prepared tin and bake for 20 - 25 minutes or until sponge bounces back when lightly touched in the centre. Leave to cool and then remove from the tin.
4.
Line a 20 cm 8 " spring clip baking tin with clear film. Then using the base of the tin as a guide, trim the sponge to fit the tin. Cut the sponge in half horizontally and place one half in the base of the tin. Arrange enough apricots over the sponge to cover it, sprinkle over the brandy and set aside.
5.
Now make the filling. In a small bowl sprinkle the gelatine over 3 tbsp cold water and leave until spongy, then stand the bowl in a pan of hot water and stir until dissolved. If you are using vegetarian gelatine then follow the packets instructions. Leave to cool.
6.
Place remaining apricots in a food processor with the caster sugar and blend until smooth. Transfer to a bowl. Whisk the egg whites and cream in a separate bowl until just stiff. Working quickly stir the cold gelatine into the puréed apricots, then fold in the cream and egg whites. Pour the mixture into the tin over the apricot halves, and chill for 1 hour.
7.
Place the second sponge on top and chill for a further 2 hours.
8.
Remove from the tin carefully, as it will be quite fragile, dust with icing sugar and serve.

And there is my wheat-free Apricot Torte. Suck it people who cannot make things without "real flour".

As promised in my last post (which, though below, technically precedes this post. It's complicated. Bear with me.) I shall now follow through on another recipe and pretend to be literate, in that order:

A New Anise Cookie Recipe I Have Been Working On (Name in Progress):
1/2 c. butter
1/2 c. shortening
1 1/2 c. sugar
4 eggs, beaten
1 tsp. anise extract
1 tsp. lemon extract
1 tsp. vanilla extract
4 c. flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda

Frosting for aforementioned cookies:
2 c. confectioners' sugar
2-3 tbsp. milk
1 tsp. any of extracts
Melt shortening and butter and cool. Mix eggs, sugar, anise, lemon and vanilla. Blend in melted shortening. Add flour, baking powder and baking soda. Mix well until it forms a soft dough. Dough will be easier to work with when cool. Place spoonful on cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes.
Mix confectioners' sugar, milk and extract to form desired consistency and drizzle on warm cookies.

In Terms of What I am reading, I am currently immersed in editing The Complete Dramatic Works of a friend of mine, A Messr. G. Fielding. So that's taking up a lot of my time.

Politics are stupid. All the candidates give me no hope that the system, which is broken beyond repair, can ever be rendered useful again. As some of you have heard me lecture before, I want a new landed aristocracy running large parcels of land dictated mostly by population. 26 families who can be appointed by America (The Kennedys, The Wahlbergs, The 50 Freaking Osmonds), and then those families remake a modern Feudal system with one of them serving as a titular overlord. I shall call it: Magna Kickass.

All I ask in return is a small fiefdom of my own somewhere in the pacific northwest. On the shore maybe?

RM